Avoid Compromises, Listen and be Creative

“Notice that I use the word satisfaction instead of compromise! Most attempts at resolution search for compromise, which means everybody gives something up and neither side is satisfied. NVC is different; our objective is to meet everyone’s needs fully.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication

A compromise is not an ideal outcome or anyone. No one leaves the situation happy. We all had to give something up.

“To make my point on compromise, let me paint you an example: A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes—black or brown—would be better than the compromise. Next time you want to compromise, remind yourself of those mismatched shoes.”

Chris Voss and Tahl Raz, Never Split the Difference

Can you use improve your ability to understand the needs of the other party?

Can you then use your creativity to find a solution that works for both of you?

“When we really, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Our differences are no longer stumbling blocks to communication and progress. Instead, they become the stepping stones to synergy.” 

Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

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  1. Pingback: Are you being clear on the response you want? – Heath

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